


Shut up and open the door.

by tay_tay19



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Post-Break Up, drunken phone call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tay_tay19/pseuds/tay_tay19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan never was the type that could hold his alcohol. A few too many drinks is all it takes to find himself sitting on the floor drunk dialing his ex-boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut up and open the door.

****

Hey, hey I know it's late but uh... you answered so I guess that's good. Are we okay? I mean I know that we haven't talked in forever. When was the last time? Oh the Halloween party duh. Geez I looked so stupid. Wish it had been last year. Your costume was pretty ridiculous too.

Not, not that I checked. I mean... I saw on your Instagram.

No, no I know I'm not following you. I um... well a friend is and I just... Sometimes I check. I'm like a stalker or something I know...

Do you... do you have any plans for Christmas?

That's right you're a family man now. Spence too... how is he?

He looks great, got himself quite the fiancé too. They're cute together. I'm happy for him.

We've just texted a few times. Well I texted him. He... Sometimes he just responds with a word or two.

I miss him.

I miss you too... but you know... for different reasons.

Shit, Shit I'm sorry. I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that.

Just forget I said that.

Please.

This is embarrassing.

I didn’t... I shouldn't have called you. I know that. But uh... well I've had a couple drinks.

I... I have a girlfriend now, and a dog. Dottie is her name.

But my girlfriend, she's away right now, a photoshoot in Hawaii, kinda wanted to go with her but uh... times just not good for me to be travelling. I'm working on some new stuff.

It's hard you know... to write without... without using that stuff, the past, all those feelings that are always just... right there in the back of my mind, All the memories.

They're good fuel for writing. You do that sometimes don't you? I know you do... under the covers with second hand lovers... When Keltie caught us right?

That's what I was huh... a second hand lover. I get that. There was always someone else.

I mean for both of us...

There was that time me and Pete were fooling around.

Other than him... other than him it was always women. He and I never did go all the way so... so it's just been you like that.

No, no me and Dan haven’t. He's just a friend... I mean he wants to be more but you know... I just... I can’t. The only time I've ever had my heart really broken was with a man and... Well I don't know I just can't.

I don't think I could survive another heart break like that.

I barely survived this one.

It’s... god, I swore I'd never be like him but I just... a couple drinks turn into a couple more and it's all just downhill from there.

Can... Can you just make a noise or something? I feel like I'm talking to myself.

You're there aren't you?

Have you fallen back asleep? You were always so good at just falling asleep anywhere. It made me jealous.

I remember we'd be in the most random place and you'd just... you'd lay your head on my shoulder and be out.

I miss that.

I miss you.

Us.

Everything... Fuck sorry. I'll stop...

Talking about that at least... I mean I need to keep talking. Even if you aren't listening... if I stop talking I'll start thinking.

That's always a bad idea for me.

You know how I get. Hey...

Hey do you remember that night we decided to hide from everyone?

We found that weird little spot up in the rafters of that venue... where was it... one of the Carolinas I think. You were on vocal rest so we didn't talk. We wrapped up in a blanket we'd found lying around, Just being close to each other.

You always made me feel so good; like I mattered.

Like you loved me; I miss that.

Shit... shit, shit, shit I'm such a screw up. I'm sorry B. I'm sorry I screwed it all up; the band, us. Fuck your lips Bren. I mean not literally... just like... how soft they were. How good they felt against mine... on me...

I want that back.

But it's over now. I've blown my chances I know. I saw it on your face at the party.

You don’t care anymore...

You're doing great without me.

I loved you...

No I love you.

You're asleep now aren't you... or you hung up... oh who cares. Definitely not you... I'm a lost cause I guess...

**_"Ryan, shut the fuck up and open the door."_ **


End file.
